Archaeology Today
With Your Host, Rich Bruso
June, 2005
For some reason, archaeology just doesn't seem to get the airtime it received back in the 80's during the halcyon days surrounding the Indiana Jones movies. Maybe it just doesn't appeal to today's youth. Studying ancient cultures does involve quite a bit of dirt, long days, careful recordkeeping, and studying, but there are some downsides, too. Various mummy-related curses, snakes, and, of course, Nazis plague the legitimate archaeologist, to say nothing of tax-deductible wear-and-tear on job related items like your whip.
As I haven't been on a field study in years, I decided to set out on an expedition totally unlike my previous adventures. Unfortunately, it's hard to make your mark these days, as all the "cool" ancient societies already have thousands studying them. From the Anasazi to the Zulu, trying to discover something entirely new is difficult. And don't get me started on those pesky Egyptologists. No, I needed to set off in an entirely different direction.
Suddenly, inspiration strikes! Transportation of goods has always been crucial to any complex society, be it the ancient Roman Empire or the Ming Dynasty in what we now call China. These intrepid travelers, toiling endlessly to keep society moving, form their own subculture, with their own languages, customs, and art forms.
So, after properly equipping for my journey of discovery, I head off into the unknown. Dreams of fame and fortune make me giddy, but I strengthen my resolve and press on. Records at mainstream learning centers are sketchy, so I venture off to the lesser-known areas, studying ancient texts and even primitive moving picture devices. Scholarly texts can't even agree on the proper terminology for this subculture, so I have decided to use the most common term, 'trucker'. Then, out of nowhere, discovery!
An ancient sacred text simply entitled Convoy bears the cryptic markings of MCMLXXVIII. Further study brings me to another named Breaker! Breaker!, bearing the brand MCMLXXVII. Surely these designations mean something. Perhaps it was an ancient attempt at keeping time. An additional find seems to bear out this hypothesis, as I discover MCMLXXVI on The Great Smokey Roadblock, but the markings MCMLXXIV, on Movin' On don't fit the pattern.
Finally, after cataloging all the ancient texts, I realize the pattern. Apparently, the character I after a V adds to it, while an I before a V subtracts. Primitive, but it works. Armed with this new knowledge, I attempt to press as close to the origin of this curious subculture as possible. Though it may not be the earliest Holy text, the document bearing the marking MCMLXXIV and entitled Truck Stop Women is the earliest complete example I can locate.
Using a very primitive moving picture device, I can actually peer into the past and study these folks. What I find will astound me. Like the Aztecs before them, these 'truckers' faced danger from all around, be it rival 'gangs', livestock stampedes, and female predators who use their 'automobiles' to maim and kill.
The society seemed to be centered around the temple, also known as a 'stop'. There, these noble warriors rested, ate, drank, and visited with the local priestesses, who, for a fee, used their magical powers to relieve stress. And a mystical device, referred to as a 'see bee' allows near instantaneous communication with other devout followers, as well as the deity-like entity known as 'base'.
Unfortunately, this holy text mentions a time of troubles, where outside forces, similar to the Spanish Conquistadors, try to encroach upon the free people and enslave them in the name of something called the 'Mafia'. Treachery from within hastens the downfall of these people, as the High Priestess's own daughter joins forces with these outsiders to topple the internal power structure.
The moving picture does feature a musical piece, on primitive instruments, being performed during what appears to be a form of storytelling using individual pictures, displayed one after another, which bears a startling similarity with what we modern people call a montage. Is this, perhaps, a throwback to that ancient time?
Unfortunately, at this point, the primitive moving picture device began malfunctioning, so the remaining scenes are displayed at about four times the normal speed. Try as I might, I can't seem to stop this process, and, like other notable holy texts, this particular one can't be experienced in the same way a second time. Sure, the basic message may remain, but the exact wording won't be there.
Sadly, with finances running low and only a day's supply of Skittles left to eat, I return home. Perhaps one day I will be able to continue my studies, and discover if any remnants of this primitive culture live on in one form or another.
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