Temporary Mutations and Catchy Tunes
By Rich Bruso
May 2006
Why am I plagued by musicals? Recently, it seems that an inordinately high number of movies I have seen ended up with way more singing than expected. Dead and Breakfast? Garbage Pail Kids: The Movie? Do these movies really need musical numbers? But the lyrical torment ends this month, as I'm going to watch 1982's Big Meat Eater. I mean, what are the chances a movie about alien takeovers, small town nepotism, toxic waste, beater-handed zombies, and Moldavian dating rituals would also happen to be a musical?
Pretty darn good, it turns out. But the songs are all quite catchy, expertly assembled and true to their style, and an eerie reminder of the early videos on MTV. I particularly liked the chemical song, which truly needs to be seen (and heard) to be believed. And the titular song, complete with dancing grannies and butcher shop set, truly is an inspired work.
Actually, the entire movie was quite enjoyable, leaving me to wonder why I had not heard of it before. Maybe it's because the movie is Canadian, which I would have totally missed if the secretary hadn't begun stripping in front of a picture of the Queen. But, if they're all Canadian, why does the sixteen year old son (played by a 25 year old in need of a shave) sound Australian? And is there really a large Moldavian population in Canada?
And then there are the evil alien robot overlords, ably played by wind-up toys. Sure, they're capable of interstellar travel, which is more than I've done this week, but why is it they can't land a ship without first having to enslave the locals and force them to build a landing dock? And how could radioactive, rotting meat possibly be a fuel source? I'd suspect they're using a Mr. Fusion, but this was years before Doc Brown even started work on the prototype.
The alien robots (robot aliens?) have the amazing, and totally useless, ability to temporarily mutate people, a power they use in the same way some use "pull my finger." They think it's hilarious, whereas everyone else thinks they're losers. Fortunately, they can also raise the dead, which is good, as Abdullah killed the mayor within the first ten minutes, and it turns out he's scheduled to appear in a few more scenes. Unfortunately, his hand was cut off in a wonderfully low budget sequence involving an old Cadillac's fan blade, so he has to adapt his new life with an arm mounted eggbeater instead.
Abdullah is a story in and of himself. Sure, he kills on a whim. And so what if he eats his victims? He doesn't let the meat spoil, he has quite a singing voice, and he's the best butcher's apprentice that little town has ever seen! And his customer service skills are above reproach.
And then there's our hero, Bob. With an unnatural affinity for appliances, a language he devised himself, and the best (and only) butcher shop in town, how could he lose. "Pleased to meet you, Meat to please you" indeed! It truly is a shame about the septic tank, though. Nothing that a good night's rest can't cure.
All in all, I would heartily recommend everyone watch this movie at least once. Of course, some will hate it, but that's probably due to a defective humor gland or something. I'm sure some chemicals could fix that right up!
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