Use the Fork Duke. Use the Fork.
By Rich Bruso
April, 2005


So, April Fools on me. Based on name alone, Doug and I have been waiting for an opportunity to watch Inbred Redneck Alien Abduction, produced by the same group of people that brought us... well, nothing I can recognize. Great name though, eh?

With a title like that, I expected many things, none of which involved a character named Jango Bynx. No, I'm not making that up. And, as the title of this article hints, that isn't where the bad Star Wars references ended. Also, this is the first film I've ever seen which attempts to seamlessly blend elements of The Matrix, Deliverance, The X-Files, and Star Wars.

The special effects are nothing short of stunning. Literally. I couldn't form coherent sentences for several minutes after some of the effects, though the laughter could be to blame. Abusively bad green screen effects, giant Cyclops alien puppet heads, clothes-sucking machines, disintegrator ray guns, you name it, they had it. And a pastry delivery truck doubling as a field office for some shadowy Twinkie-related government agency in charge of tracking UFO reports.

So, here's a quick fact check on the title. Abductions? Yes. Rednecks? Definitely. Aliens? More than you'd care to think about. Inbred? This one isn't so clear. Everyone even vaguely romantically involved is either not related or not the same species. Or Phylum, for that matter, but don't get me started there. And stay away from the watermelon.

The action takes place in Arkansas, where several women have disappeared. In one case, a woman was replaced with an apparently cannibalistic inflatable doll. Coincidentally, each abduction was accompanied by several actors pointing up into the sky at what appears to be a Jell-O mold on a string. Stealing women is one thing, but the aliens go too far when they steal Pappy Duke's nitrous oxide stash.

Perhaps the nitrous explains Pappy’s fascinations with the forks. Of course, having a whacked out redneck channel Obi-Wan Kenobi’s philosophical ramblings is very disturbing, even to me. But at least we get to see partial Bigfoot nudity! Woo-hoo!!

Fortunately, the government steps in. They're here to help. A crack team is dispatched, made up of two people similar to, but legally distinct from, Scully and Mulder from the X-Files. They, along with some nitrous-sniffing redneck hunters, begin to track the alien menace back to a convenient landing craft, which takes them to the mother ship. This, of course, leads to some confusion, forcing the agents to explain that nobody's mother actually LIVES on the mother ship, and that it's more of a metaphor for the entire parent/child relationship between the big ship and the little...oh, never mind. Go sniff some nitrous.

Periodically, the aforementioned Jango Bynx appears to give vague hints and generally help the plot along. He isn't really involved in any action scenes, which is probably a good thing, since he probably can't see out of the tin bucket on his head, and walking through the woods with a back-mounted mop, Boba Fett-style, probably isn't a good idea. Oh, and his body armor appears to be made up of leftover prop materials from Robo Vampire.

The aliens have various questionable pieces of equipment for stripping, prodding, probing, and generally poking abductees. The worst is the device that holds out a piece of soap, then drops it as the human reaches for it, forcing them to... oh, I can't finish. Suffice to say Rube Goldberg is probably rolling in his grave due to the inventions in this movie.

So, turns out you can use Duct Tape to reattach those pesky limbs that keep falling off, and it makes an attractive addition to a standard jock strap.

The worst part of all, worse than the dialog, worse even than the alien love scene, is one embarrassing little fact: I honestly enjoyed the movie. It's not one of the all time greats, but it is humorous and inventive, and the actors obviously had a lot of fun filming it. Yes, it's low budget, but in a, "Hey, let's see what we can slap together" kind of way. I wouldn't recommend that you watch the movie, because I don't want to be subject to lawsuits for emotional damage, but if you do happen to chance it, cover your eyes before the crash landing sequence in the cow field. And definitely check out the extras.


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